The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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