call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
