so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize