You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
