You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
