i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
