We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
