the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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