Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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