I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's like iHOP with fire
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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