I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
