I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
