Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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