The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
try to milk me bitch
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