so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
