Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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