I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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