A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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