it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
