i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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