I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
two words...techno handjob
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
