im drinking this country out of the recession.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
