Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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