just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
sex in a hospital.. check
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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