A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
