i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
