Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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