That's intense
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
