Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
