If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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