she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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