I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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