Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
