Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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