dude i'm inner monologue high
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
