life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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