Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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