just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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