I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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