party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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