u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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