I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
