He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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