i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
