Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
