you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize