Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
