His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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