You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
