So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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