it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oh god it's open bar.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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