Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
