let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
