ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
