I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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