I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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