No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
