she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
