so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
