Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
