pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
