Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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