Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
