I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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