i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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