Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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