well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
