Moan for me like Helen Keller
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize