Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
