Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
