I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
