so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
