I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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