Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
