If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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