I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
