i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
