Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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