ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
