I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
