My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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