Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
