I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
