I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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