My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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