it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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