3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
