I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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