Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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