where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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